COMM11007 Media Writing Blog Activites Week 4 Inquiry: Review the following two pieces and respond to the questions on your blog.

What do you think could be the main issues with this poorly written entertainment news story?: Robert Pattinson talks about his new film, The Rover, with Dave O’Neil.

‘Robert Pattinson talks about his new film, The Rover, with Dave O’Neil’

Figure 1: Robert Pattinson talks about his new film The Rover with Dave O’Neil Source: O’Neil 2014
Figure 1: Robert Pattinson talks about his new film The Rover with Dave O’Neil
Source: O’Neil 2014

The very first thing that sticks out with the O’Neil (2014) article is that everything looks chunky and not something that appeals to the eyes. The story is over crowded with trivial information and the reporter tells the event in a fictional way (O’Neil 2014). According to Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith (2012) news stories should be broken up into small paragraphs which this article has clearly not done.

I cannot tell if we are supposed to believe that Robert Pattinson was actually talking to him. Or if we are to assume by the way the story and the lead is written that the bodyguard stopped the interaction between the reporter and the actor (O’Neil 2014).

According to Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith (2012, p.87) ‘the most important thing of all, at least for writers today, is to strip language clean, to lay it bare down to the bone’. Which has clearly not been done in this article.

His personal comments during the article about Twilight and the joke about the bodyguard mistaking him for a werewolf  O’Neil (2014), could actually be considered offensive to some audiences; especially Twilight fans who might have read it.

Another problem found with this article is the information provided has nothing to do with the title which is about Robert Pattinson’s new movie (O’Neil 2014).

My personal feelings about the article is that the title should be changed from ‘Robert Pattinson talks about his new film, The Rover, with Dave O’Neil’ to ‘my experience at the party with Robert Pattinson in it.’

One good aspect is that if the audience is looking for a story that is simply entertaining and not in any way revealing about the new movie then I would suggest it. Reading the story does provide a few laughs as the reporter had used a comedic tone throughout most of it.

What do you think is good about this well-written media release?: ‘Drought worst in living memory’

‘Drought worst in living memory’

Figure 2: Source:
Figure 2: Agforce Source: Agforce 2015

The very first thing that sticks out with the Agforce (2015) article is that it looks neat, short and pleasing to the eye. However, the subject was not one of personal interest to me which made it rather hard to read all of it.

In the Agforce (2015) article another reason on why it was hard to read might be that there was a lot of statistical data all clumped together. It could have been given more spacing between dot points to make it easier to read, or the statistical data could been separated and made more simplistic (Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith 2012).

One last thing that was a problem for me is that because I do not know much about farming or about most of the financial details it made it harder for me to understand what the article was talking about (Agforce 2015). This would limit the readers as it is not produced in a way that anyone could simply read it and understand it (Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith 2012).

One good aspect about the story is that the beginning and the ending of the article is fairly easy to read and understand. Another good aspect is that the article is rather factual, impersonal and provides in depth detail about the issue it is covering.

Picture references

Agforce 2015, Drought worst in living memory: AgForce survey, digital image, viewed 4 August 2015, http://www.agforceqld.org.au/index.php?tgtPage=news&id=view,478

O’Neil, D 2014, Robert Pattinson talks about his new film The Rover with Dave O’Neil, digital image, viewed 4 August 2015, http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/robert-pattinson-talks-about-his-new-film-the-rover-with-dave-oneil-20140619-zs99j.html

References

Agforce 2015, Drought worst in living memory: AgForce survey, viewed 4 August 2015, http://www.agforceqld.org.au/index.php?tgtPage=news&id=view,478

O’Neil, D 2014, Robert Pattinson talks about his new film The Rover with Dave O’Neil, viewed 4 August 2015, http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/robert-pattinson-talks-about-his-new-film-the-rover-with-dave-oneil-20140619-zs99j.html

Whitaker, R, Ramsey, J & Smith, R 2012, Media writing: print broadcast and public relations, 4th edn, Routledge, New York.

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2 thoughts on “COMM11007 Media Writing Blog Activites Week 4 Inquiry: Review the following two pieces and respond to the questions on your blog.

  1. Hi Zoe. I love this blog post and completely agree with your review of O’Neil’s article. You raised a particularly pertinent point that it is unclear whether Pattinson’s bodyguard stopped the interaction between the reporter and the actor. I also enjoyed your suggested rename of the title of O’Neil’s article.

    In terms of constructive feedback, I would capitalise the word ‘Twillight’ as it is a name of the movie.

    In the paragraph about O’Neil’s joke about the werewolf, I would move your reference in brackets to come immediately after ‘mistaking him for a werewolf’, as that is the point in which you refer to the article. The comment after that is actually your own and not O’Neil’s. So it would read “….bodyguard mistaking him for a werewolf (O’Neil 2014), could actually be considered offensive to some audiences…..” Does this make sense?

    In the paragraph below that is a minor typo as you have accidentally said ‘tittle’ instead of ‘title’.
    In your last paragraph, I replace the word ‘story’ with ‘article’ for consistency, as you have used the word article up to that point.

    I hope this feedback helps and I look forward to reading your other posts.

    Cheers,
    Bec

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there Bec

      Thank you very much, I really appreciate your detailed comment to me about my blog, I did find all of your constructive feedback both helpful and useful 🙂 I am glad that you liked this blog.

      Like

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