COMM1107 Media Writing Blog Activities Week 9 Practical: Review a peer’s (ie. another student) Storify submission.

Figure 1: Twilight City Street Party a Bittersweet Celebration Source: Petith 2015
Figure 1: Twilight City Street Party a Bittersweet Celebration
Source: Petith 2015

For this practical activity I am reviewing the Storify post Petith (2015) made about the lantern festival in Mackay. (at the stage I wrote this review it was ordered differently to how it is now.)

Who do you think is the audience?

I think the audience is aimed at those local to Mackay or that live near Mackay and are interested in local produce, live music and entertainment.

What did you learn about the event?

I learned that many of the locals actually help to build the lanterns for the festival, it is an annual event in its second year.

What else (if anything) could be included that would make the story more interesting or have more impact?

If there could be more information about what actually happens through this event as this was a little more vague than anything else. Also perhaps you could include more quotes and facts from people attending the event, perhaps a word from the organiser. Could you also provide the program guide if one was available for you to provide?

If the structure is confusing, how could it be improved?

Yes I did find it a little confusing as when I was reading it, it felt like the story when from at the event to before the event and then back again before the bit about the fencing. Perhaps start with the bit about the fences and then the material about before the festival and ending it with the material actually during the festival.

Since it has been updated I still find some structure issues, you started of with “Thousands of Mackay locals, along with my family, packed the City Centre on Saturday 29 August as we came together to celebrate the Twilight City – Beyond Your Imagination Street Party”

However, I believe that it would make more sense with “The second annual, free, family event was meant to signal the end of a $18.6 million revitalisation construction project as part of Mackay Regional Council’s aim to turn the CBD into the ‘centrepiece of our city’ . ” as the start of it continuing with the rest of the ‘fence’ information.

Then I think it would make more sense in the narrative style to then have the “Locals, including myself, had spent hours in the month prior bending bamboo and applying paper mache to create their ‘under the sea’ themed creatures for the parade, as well as the thousands of lorikeets seen hanging in the city alley. ”

followed with the “Thousands of Mackay locals, along with my family, packed the City Centre on Saturday 29 August as we came together to celebrate the Twilight City – Beyond Your Imagination Street Party. ”

This could just be my opinion but if you copy all of your current work paste it into another Storify post and take a look at my suggestions incorporated into the post you could then compare the two and see which one suits better or makes more sense.

What do you like about the story?

I loved all of it, I loved the pictures and the tweets that you included to bring the story together in a way that makes me want to travel up to Mackay, I think you did a great job. If you build it up to the event it will really add the impact that is already in your story.

On the last note, perhaps if you could find some tweets from other people to incorporate to strengthen it just slightly. I know that this is on a little unrelated matter but I really like that picture of yours with the bamboo shark your holding, it is a very pretty picture.

References

Petith, H 2015, Twilight City Street Party a Bittersweet Celebration, viewed 19 September 2015, https://storify.com/Heidi_Petith/twilight-street-party-a-bittersweet-celebration

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2 thoughts on “COMM1107 Media Writing Blog Activities Week 9 Practical: Review a peer’s (ie. another student) Storify submission.

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