According to Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith (2012, p. 91) states that active voice is when the subject is doing the actions ‘Abdul read the book’ and passive is when the action is being done to the subject ‘the book was read by Abdul’.
I really did very badly at this, my years of turning active to passive make it so much harder for me to turn it the other way round. Logically it should make turning passive into active easy but I found this very difficult.
As far as I can tell I had issues in all of the questions. so I suppose the good news is there is no lower than my current level only higher which means that I cannot fail to improve.
I really need to work on this. I am sure this would really improve upon both my ability to write in journalism and even possibly my grades.
Condé Nass UK (2015) appear to be a website which shows you a picture of the hotels which have achieved a gold rating. These pictures are linked to a gallery of hotel pictures (Condé Nass UK 2015).
Condé Nass UK (2015) provides information on the hotel’s
Trip Adviser appears to be a website which shows multiple pictures and a short description of the hotels which rank in the top 25 hotels of the world. When clicking on the link to the title of the hotel it opens in a new tab with in depth information. Here it shows several albums of photos in a gallery that you can go through.
Trip Advisor Australia (2015) also lists a price checker to the left of the gallery so users will get the “best prices” for their stay. You can also take a look at reviews, amenities, Q&A and a number of other information tabs (Trip Advisor Australia 2015).
According to Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith (2012, p.284) both the writing and layout should grab the reader’s attention. Eunson (2012, p.48) states that the layout is how something looks. Both of these websites have used a different layout with differences in paragraphing, transitional phrases and grammar use.
When comparing the two websites I can already see that the way they have been set out has made a huge difference to how I perceive each website. According to Ames (2015) plenty of white space, large margins and clear lines between headings and blocks of text are used to avoid overcrowding a page.
For instance the Condé Nass UK (2015) does not inspire me to look further into the hotels they have presented. As the elements they have used are opposite to Ames (2015) which makes the writing look like a large block of text for me to read through.
Whereas Trip Advisor Australia (2015) sets it all out in a way which appeals to the eye, it looks professional and inspires me to look further into the hotels that it lists. However both could have an element of polysemy which Bainbridge Goc & Tynan (2011) defines as websites which are open to many different interpretations.
For this practical activity I am reviewing the Storify post Petith (2015) made about the lantern festival in Mackay. (at the stage I wrote this review it was ordered differently to how it is now.)
Who do you think is the audience?
I think the audience is aimed at those local to Mackay or that live near Mackay and are interested in local produce, live music and entertainment.
What did you learn about the event?
I learned that many of the locals actually help to build the lanterns for the festival, it is an annual event in its second year.
What else (if anything) could be included that would make the story more interesting or have more impact?
If there could be more information about what actually happens through this event as this was a little more vague than anything else. Also perhaps you could include more quotes and facts from people attending the event, perhaps a word from the organiser. Could you also provide the program guide if one was available for you to provide?
If the structure is confusing, how could it be improved?
Yes I did find it a little confusing as when I was reading it, it felt like the story when from at the event to before the event and then back again before the bit about the fencing. Perhaps start with the bit about the fences and then the material about before the festival and ending it with the material actually during the festival.
Since it has been updated I still find some structure issues, you started of with “Thousands of Mackay locals, along with my family, packed the City Centre on Saturday 29 August as we came together to celebrate the Twilight City – Beyond Your Imagination Street Party”
However, I believe that it would make more sense with “The second annual, free, family event was meant to signal the end of a $18.6 million revitalisation construction project as part of Mackay Regional Council’s aim to turn the CBD into the ‘centrepiece of our city’ . ” as the start of it continuing with the rest of the ‘fence’ information.
Then I think it would make more sense in the narrative style to then have the “Locals, including myself, had spent hours in the month prior bending bamboo and applying paper mache to create their ‘under the sea’ themed creatures for the parade, as well as the thousands of lorikeets seen hanging in the city alley. ”
followed with the “Thousands of Mackay locals, along with my family, packed the City Centre on Saturday 29 August as we came together to celebrate the Twilight City – Beyond Your Imagination Street Party. ”
This could just be my opinion but if you copy all of your current work paste it into another Storify post and take a look at my suggestions incorporated into the post you could then compare the two and see which one suits better or makes more sense.
What do you like about the story?
I loved all of it, I loved the pictures and the tweets that you included to bring the story together in a way that makes me want to travel up to Mackay, I think you did a great job. If you build it up to the event it will really add the impact that is already in your story.
On the last note, perhaps if you could find some tweets from other people to incorporate to strengthen it just slightly. I know that this is on a little unrelated matter but I really like that picture of yours with the bamboo shark your holding, it is a very pretty picture.